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 The Joke Thread

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Matty35
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PostSubject: The Joke Thread   Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:08 am

I'll start the sillyness off!

Banana says to the vibrator.."dont know what your shaking for, its me shes gonna eat"! Wink



Matty.. lol!

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'Scope

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue Jan 20, 2009 10:06 am

A bear & a rabbit are taking a sh*t in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit & says:

'excuse me, do you have a problem with sh*t sticking to your fur??'

The Rabbit say's:

'No.'

So the bear wipes his azz with the rabbit!!

Eddie Murphy


king

'Scope
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Matty35
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:19 pm

Mickey Mouse's lawyer say's "you can't divorce Minnie for having big teeth"..Mickey replies "i didnt say she had big teeth, i said she's fucking goofy!"....


lol! thums up


cheers

Matty.. peace

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Mary1234

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:12 am

Ok, i told this joke a LOOOONG time ago on Robbin's old board, but Im gonna tell it again.


What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and one is a crack snacker!! HAA!!


Mary
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:13 am

Mary1234 wrote:
Ok, i told this joke a LOOOONG time ago on Robbin's old board, but Im gonna tell it again.


What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and one is a crack snacker!! HAA!!


Mary

Don't quit your day job Mary.... thums up

'Scope
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu Jan 22, 2009 1:07 pm

'Scope wrote:
Mary1234 wrote:
Ok, i told this joke a LOOOONG time ago on Robbin's old board, but Im gonna tell it again.


What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and one is a crack snacker!! HAA!!


Mary

Don't quit your day job Mary.... thums up

'Scope

yes master
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Matty35
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sat Jan 24, 2009 2:12 pm

Husband says to wife " shall we try swapping positions tonight?"..Wife replies " thats a good idea, you can stand by the ironing board while i sit on the couch & fart!" Wink

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RFFB

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:20 pm

A farmer has made history by growing a field full of dildos. Unfortunately he has had a lot of trouble with squatters!
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:49 am

RFFB wrote:
A farmer has made history by growing a field full of dildos. Unfortunately he has had a lot of trouble with squatters!


Laughing Laughing Laughing ...Nice one mate!! lol!

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Mon Jan 26, 2009 4:07 am

What do you call a lesbian in Alaska...?






A Klondyke!!

Courtesy of Mr P.D Frehley that one!!
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue Jan 27, 2009 3:40 am

Pete wrote:
What do you call a lesbian in Alaska...?






A Klondyke!!

Courtesy of Mr P.D Frehley that one!!

lol!

Im not sure if our friends from across the pond will get this.....but here goes anyway!..


A man walks into Asda & slaps his circumcised cock on the counter & say's "I bet you can't roll that back?"

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue Jan 27, 2009 3:55 am

Matty35 wrote:
Pete wrote:
What do you call a lesbian in Alaska...?






A Klondyke!!

Courtesy of Mr P.D Frehley that one!!

lol!

Im not sure if our friends from across the pond will get this.....but here goes anyway!..


A man walks into Asda & slaps his circumcised cock on the counter & say's "I bet you can't roll that back?"

lol! lol! lol!

Try changing Asda to Wallmart... Wink
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue Jan 27, 2009 6:21 am

The 8 year old boy who weighs 16 stone was asked earlier on tv today what his favourite musical instrument was at school?... the boy replied "the dinner bell"....

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:00 am

A man is having a conversation about Viagra w/ his doctor. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him & wants to try it for the first time. So he ask's:

Hey Doc....can I get it over the counter??

The Doc replies....

Sure, if you take two or three!!

'Scope
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:02 am

'Scope wrote:
A man is having a conversation about Viagra w/ his doctor. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him & wants to try it for the first time. So he ask's:

Hey Doc....can I get it over the counter??

The Doc replies....

Sure, if you take two or three!!

'Scope

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Jan 28, 2009 4:36 am

Husband says to wife "My olympic condoms have arrived, i think i'll wear gold tonight"..Wife says "Why don't you wear silver & cum fuckin second for a change?"

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:03 am

thats great!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:21 am

Matty35 wrote:
Husband says to wife "My olympic condoms have arrived, i think i'll wear gold tonight"..Wife says "Why don't you wear silver & cum fuckin second for a change?"
lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:25 am

The girls liked that one!!!... Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:54 am

Matty35 wrote:
Husband says to wife "My olympic condoms have arrived, i think i'll wear gold tonight"..Wife says "Why don't you wear silver & cum fuckin second for a change?"

happy boy
happy boy

'Scope
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu Jan 29, 2009 3:53 am

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the tv. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful, Why did you stop?'....He said, 'I found the remote!'.... Wink

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:00 am

Matty35 wrote:
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the tv. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful, Why did you stop?'....He said, 'I found the remote!'.... Wink


happy boy happy boy happy boy happy boy happy boy
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu Jan 29, 2009 8:08 am

Priceless!
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:30 pm

What has a hazelnut in every bite..........................?









........SQUIRREL SHIT!!!!
(unless you know the 'Topic' advert this ain't gonna make any sence!!!)


Last edited by RFFB on Sun Feb 01, 2009 9:22 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:39 pm

Minnie Mouse is filing for divorce from Mickey for unreasonable behaviour.

The judge asked Minnie if Mickey's behaviour was a bit mad to which she replied "No...he's fucking Goofy!!"
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