Dedicated To The Sound That Makes You Bang Your Head!
 
HomePortalFAQRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 I heard something funny today....

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Chrissy

avatar

Number of posts : 9677
Age : 47
Location : Burbank, California
Registration date : 2009-01-14

PostSubject: I heard something funny today....   Wed May 27, 2009 8:58 pm

Wtih my job i get to hear my clients talk about all kinds of things...Today one of my favorite clients told me a story about her recent house remodel. She and her husband do quite well I mean their house is over 10k square feet and beautiful..They have spent the last 2 years completely renovating this house...Her husband who is a real estate developer asked her for one thing. He told her honey do want you want to the house but let me design our shower. Of course she did.. Well they move back in and he can't wait for her to try out this shower. Well it has about 25 jets , steams and sprays. She gets in and she said she hated it .The water was blowing in her face, on her head up her ass and everywhere. She said instead of feeling clean she felt violated....So no big deal they have about 8 other showers to choose from and he's happy...

Well her mother in law comes into town and she is a major broom pilot (total witch) She is staying with them and is wondering why my client isn't showering in her bathroom. So she told her it was a bit too much for her so she uses the other ones. This mother in law called her a "selfish bitch". Said she had a lot of nerve with everything her perfect son does for her and she can't deal with a little shower...To my clients credit she held her tongue..

The next morning around breakfast the son goes to him mother and says hey mom you got to try out my shower you'll love it! The mean lady glances over at my client and smiles and says of course honey I would love too. She goes upstairs and it not 10 minutes later you hear a lot of screaming and a big thud..

Seems when she turned on the jets she was already in the shower and it knocked her off balance and she hit the floor and broke her leg...They had to call the paramedics and as 8 of the best looking men around are loading her naked ugly ass into the ambulance my client bends down and gently whispers into her mother in laws ears....Selfish Bitch hugh?


Holding your tongue is a gift
Seeing payback at its finest...Priceless!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Thu May 28, 2009 1:28 am

Funnily enough, so did I Chrissy....

FC Barcelona 2 - man utd 0

lol! lol! lol!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Thu May 28, 2009 8:34 am

Now that IS funny!!!!!
lol!

Karma strikes again!!!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Matty35
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1996
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom
Job/hobbies : Chuggin On The Low E
Registration date : 2009-01-05

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Sat May 30, 2009 2:03 am

Chrissy wrote:
Wtih my job i get to hear my clients talk about all kinds of things...Today one of my favorite clients told me a story about her recent house remodel. She and her husband do quite well I mean their house is over 10k square feet and beautiful..They have spent the last 2 years completely renovating this house...Her husband who is a real estate developer asked her for one thing. He told her honey do want you want to the house but let me design our shower. Of course she did.. Well they move back in and he can't wait for her to try out this shower. Well it has about 25 jets , steams and sprays. She gets in and she said she hated it .The water was blowing in her face, on her head up her ass and everywhere. She said instead of feeling clean she felt violated....So no big deal they have about 8 other showers to choose from and he's happy...

Well her mother in law comes into town and she is a major broom pilot (total witch) She is staying with them and is wondering why my client isn't showering in her bathroom. So she told her it was a bit too much for her so she uses the other ones. This mother in law called her a "selfish bitch". Said she had a lot of nerve with everything her perfect son does for her and she can't deal with a little shower...To my clients credit she held her tongue..

The next morning around breakfast the son goes to him mother and says hey mom you got to try out my shower you'll love it! The mean lady glances over at my client and smiles and says of course honey I would love too. She goes upstairs and it not 10 minutes later you hear a lot of screaming and a big thud..

Seems when she turned on the jets she was already in the shower and it knocked her off balance and she hit the floor and broke her leg...They had to call the paramedics and as 8 of the best looking men around are loading her naked ugly ass into the ambulance my client bends down and gently whispers into her mother in laws ears....Selfish Bitch hugh?


Holding your tongue is a gift
Seeing payback at its finest...Priceless!


Totally!!! Laughing

Nice one Chrissy!

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://fullmetalforum.forumotion.com
Chrissy

avatar

Number of posts : 9677
Age : 47
Location : Burbank, California
Registration date : 2009-01-14

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon May 16, 2011 8:03 am

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
~ Chris Rock ~
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Marty

avatar

Number of posts : 3056
Age : 55
Location : windy city
Registration date : 2009-01-16

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon May 16, 2011 10:19 am

good one!!! lol!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Frethead

avatar

Number of posts : 3032
Age : 48
Location : Ormond Beach, Florida
Job/hobbies : consumption
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon May 16, 2011 10:28 am

Chrissy wrote:
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
~ Chris Rock ~

Damn, that's so old, "Chris Rock" is attached to it.

Do you realize that the conspiracy theory surrounding Bin Laden's death has made Obama the first black man in history forced to prove that he killed someone?
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Chrissy

avatar

Number of posts : 9677
Age : 47
Location : Burbank, California
Registration date : 2009-01-14

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon May 16, 2011 1:21 pm

yes I know but way too funny to pass up
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Sun May 29, 2011 3:12 am

Pete wrote:
Funnily enough, so did I Chrissy....

FC Barcelona 2 - man utd 0

lol! lol! lol!

And two years later...

FC Barcelona 3 - man utd 1


Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Sun May 29, 2011 4:48 am

Pete wrote:
Pete wrote:
Funnily enough, so did I Chrissy....

FC Barcelona 2 - man utd 0

lol! lol! lol!

And two years later...

FC Barcelona 3 - man utd 1


Made my day that did!!!!!!!!... Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

I can be less diplomatic on here so here it goes...

F**k Man Utd!!!

You were completely outclassed! I have never seen a team in the Premiership run circles around the DRB's like Barca did yesterday...and it was a freakin JOY TO WATCH!!!!

Everyone knows the Champions League is the one trophy Fergie cherishes more than any other...and you lost! Again!!!

F**k U Fergie.
Obnoxious, arrogant prick.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Sun May 29, 2011 5:33 am

RFFB wrote:
Pete wrote:
Pete wrote:
Funnily enough, so did I Chrissy....

FC Barcelona 2 - man utd 0

lol! lol! lol!

And two years later...

FC Barcelona 3 - man utd 1


Made my day that did!!!!!!!!... Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

I can be less diplomatic on here so here it goes...

F**k Man Utd!!!

You were completely outclassed! I have never seen a team in the Premiership run circles around the DRB's like Barca did yesterday...and it was a freakin JOY TO WATCH!!!!

Everyone knows the Champions League is the one trophy Fergie cherishes more than any other...and you lost! Again!!!

F**k U Fergie.
Obnoxious, arrogant prick.

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Take a bow son...take a bow..
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Sun May 29, 2011 6:11 am

RFFB wrote:
Pete wrote:

Made my day that did!!!!!!!!... Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

I can be less diplomatic on here so here it goes...

F**k Man Utd!!!

You were completely outclassed! I have never seen a team in the Premiership run circles around the DRB's like Barca did yesterday...and it was a freakin JOY TO WATCH!!!!

Everyone knows the Champions League is the one trophy Fergie cherishes more than any other...and you lost! Again!!!

F**k U Fergie.
Obnoxious, arrogant prick.

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Take a bow son...take a bow..
My pleasure!!!

not worthy2
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Chrissy

avatar

Number of posts : 9677
Age : 47
Location : Burbank, California
Registration date : 2009-01-14

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Thu Aug 04, 2011 11:25 am

An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument you like". Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimi Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John. Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says "Whats wrong, can ye no play it?" The octopus says "Play it ? I'm gonna #$@! her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!"
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:39 pm

Chrissy wrote:
An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument you like". Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimi Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John. Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says "Whats wrong, can ye no play it?" The octopus says "Play it ? I'm gonna #$@! her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!"
I like that!!!!!!

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!

That's a 6 LOL from me! Shame about mentioning EJ tho...cos he's shit!!!!!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Fri Aug 05, 2011 3:04 am

RFFB wrote:
Chrissy wrote:
An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument you like". Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimi Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John. Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says "Whats wrong, can ye no play it?" The octopus says "Play it ? I'm gonna #$@! her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!"
I like that!!!!!!

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!

That's a 6 LOL from me! Shame about mentioning EJ tho...cos he's shit!!!!!

Your Squidin' me right? EJ was great in the 70's.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:03 am

Pete wrote:
RFFB wrote:
Chrissy wrote:
An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument you like". Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimi Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John. Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says "Whats wrong, can ye no play it?" The octopus says "Play it ? I'm gonna #$@! her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!"
I like that!!!!!!

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!

That's a 6 LOL from me! Shame about mentioning EJ tho...cos he's shit!!!!!

Your Squidin' me right? EJ was great in the 70's.
A mate of my brothers used to play us Eltons stuff way back in 70's and, at th etime I did kinda like it. Thing is, he's one of those artists whose recent stuff (when I say recent I mean anything from the 80's on!) is so f'kin awful I'd be ashamed to have anything by him in my collection!

Plus he is one of those people who I really dislike, and that tarnishes my opnion of him also.

Basically to me he does music for the 'couples' who think BBC primetime comedy is funny. Safe, homoginised crap. As far away from 'Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting' as you can get. Which is a shame, cos that song is class. There, I admitted it!!!!!!!!!!

But I would never say he's a virtuoso on the piano!!!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:33 pm

8-2 that's hilarious !!!! happy boy happy boy happy boy happy boy happy boy
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon Aug 29, 2011 3:35 am

[quote="Roger. H"]8-2 that's hilarious !!!! [/quote
I don't bet, but even I'm considering placing a bet on Wenger being gone by December!

Just a shame it was at the hands of the DRB's...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:42 am

[quote="RFFB"]
Roger. H wrote:
8-2 that's hilarious !!!! [/quote
I don't bet, but even I'm considering placing a bet on Wenger being gone by December!

Just a shame it was at the hands of the DRB's...

Yes, shame it was them but I feel it's going to to the first of many drubbings unless something drastic happens very soon.
Arsenal in the bottom three in May ?? what are the odds ??
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:57 am

[quote="Roger. H"]
RFFB wrote:
Roger. H wrote:
8-2 that's hilarious !!!! [/quote
I don't bet, but even I'm considering placing a bet on Wenger being gone by December!

Just a shame it was at the hands of the DRB's...

Yes, shame it was them but I feel it's going to to the first of many drubbings unless something drastic happens very soon.
Arsenal in the bottom three in May ?? what are the odds ??
Now there's a long odds bet...Arsenal to get relegated!!!!!... Laughing
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:38 pm

[quote="RFFB"]
Roger. H wrote:
RFFB wrote:
Roger. H wrote:
8-2 that's hilarious !!!! [/quote
I don't bet, but even I'm considering placing a bet on Wenger being gone by December!

Just a shame it was at the hands of the DRB's...

Yes, shame it was them but I feel it's going to to the first of many drubbings unless something drastic happens very soon.
Arsenal in the bottom three in May ?? what are the odds ??
Now there's a long odds bet...Arsenal to get relegated!!!!!... Laughing

Arsenal will be fine...maybe not top four but they won't get relegated (Blackburn, Everton & Swansea). Wenger really is a dick tho...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:51 am

Pete wrote:


Arsenal will be fine...maybe not top four but they won't get relegated (Blackburn, Everton & Swansea). Wenger really is a dick tho...

I think that's the Red side of the city talking there !! Can't see Everton going down. I do see a London team going though.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:17 am

Roger. H wrote:
Pete wrote:


Arsenal will be fine...maybe not top four but they won't get relegated (Blackburn, Everton & Swansea). Wenger really is a dick tho...

I think that's the Red side of the city talking there !! Can't see Everton going down. I do see a London team going though.


They've gotta go down soon!! If Blackburn could take penalties they'd have lost on Saturday too...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Chrissy

avatar

Number of posts : 9677
Age : 47
Location : Burbank, California
Registration date : 2009-01-14

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:07 am

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, about two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
... ... ...
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just can’t believe someone fucked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:53 am

Chrissy wrote:
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, about two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
... ... ...
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just can’t believe someone fucked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
ROLFL!!!!!

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: I heard something funny today....   

Back to top Go down
 
I heard something funny today....
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Anyone heard of Sarepta?
» It is my honor to present to you all today......
» 2012.10.30 - Interview with Axl in USA Today
» a little better today than yesterday
» Need prayer today

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Full Metal Forum :: The Topics :: Anything Goes / Whats On Your Mind-
Jump to: