Dedicated To The Sound That Makes You Bang Your Head!
 
HomePortalFAQRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 The Joke Thread

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
AuthorMessage
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Fri Apr 24, 2009 3:16 am

RFFB wrote:
Pete wrote:
Newcastle United.

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!


Funniest joke on the planet!
In keeping with this...!

What's the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle United?...







Alan Shearer will still be on Match of the Day next season!!!!



lol! lol! lol!

Actually Adam I've had a rethink and I'd gladly swap NUFC for Blackburn Rovers, specifically for Fat Sham Allardyce to fail!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:21 am

[quote="Pete"]
RFFB wrote:

lol! lol! lol!

Actually Adam I've had a rethink and I'd gladly swap NUFC for Blackburn Rovers, specifically for Fat Sham Allardyce to fail!
So would I!!!!!!!

Or Hull!!! 'cos they are the only other 2 teams that are also in contention for going down, if memory serves...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Matty35
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1996
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom
Job/hobbies : Chuggin On The Low E
Registration date : 2009-01-05

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:20 am

An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home. They undressed and were about to screw, The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.
"I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said.
The man replied, "thats good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!"

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://fullmetalforum.forumotion.com
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sun Apr 26, 2009 1:53 pm

I was walking with Jethro one day, when he stops and points to a wall and says " I've built dozens of walls, but do they call me Jethro the the wall builder ? No." We walk on for a while and he stops again and points at a driveway. " I've built dozens of driveways, but do they call me Jethro the driveway builder ? No." We walk on a little further and again he stops and points to a house and says " I've built dozens of houses, but do they call me Jethro the house builder ? No. And yet I shag one sheep.............!!!!!!!! " Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile
RFFB

avatar

Number of posts : 6436
Age : 104
Location : Anywhere but where I am!
Registration date : 2009-01-24

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sun Apr 26, 2009 2:09 pm

^^^^
lol!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Matty35
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1996
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom
Job/hobbies : Chuggin On The Low E
Registration date : 2009-01-05

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu May 14, 2009 6:35 am

A Koala bear decides he wants to get laid, so he picks up a hooker. He goes down on her several times and they are really enjoying themselves. After they are finished the koala bear starts getting dressed.
The hooker says, "wheres my money?"
The koala bear shrugs his shoulders. The hooker repeats herself asking for her money. Again he shrugs his shoulders. The hooker grabs a dictionary and looks up the word hooker and shows it to the koala bear.
It says "gets paid for sex."
The koala bear picks up the dictionary and looks up Koala Bear and shows it to the hooker.
It says, "Eats bush and leaves!"

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://fullmetalforum.forumotion.com
Pete

avatar

Number of posts : 19317
Age : 43
Location : Desolation Boulevard..
Job/hobbies : Sometimes...
Registration date : 2009-01-15

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu May 14, 2009 6:46 am

Matty35 wrote:
A Koala bear decides he wants to get laid, so he picks up a hooker. He goes down on her several times and they are really enjoying themselves. After they are finished the koala bear starts getting dressed.
The hooker says, "wheres my money?"
The koala bear shrugs his shoulders. The hooker repeats herself asking for her money. Again he shrugs his shoulders. The hooker grabs a dictionary and looks up the word hooker and shows it to the koala bear.
It says "gets paid for sex."
The koala bear picks up the dictionary and looks up Koala Bear and shows it to the hooker.
It says, "Eats bush and leaves!"


Or...Eats Shoots and leaves...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Matty35
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1996
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom
Job/hobbies : Chuggin On The Low E
Registration date : 2009-01-05

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Fri May 15, 2009 1:30 pm

One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. "I've got some good news and some bad news." God said.
Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, "Please give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://fullmetalforum.forumotion.com
Matty35
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1996
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom
Job/hobbies : Chuggin On The Low E
Registration date : 2009-01-05

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Sun May 17, 2009 11:57 am

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"
The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah".
The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?"
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://fullmetalforum.forumotion.com
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 19, 2009 10:29 am

Did you hear about the guy who had a toy horse shoved up his arse ??
The doctors say his condition is stable. Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Chrissy

avatar

Number of posts : 9677
Age : 47
Location : Burbank, California
Registration date : 2009-01-14

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 19, 2009 11:47 am

Matty35 wrote:
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"
The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah".
The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?"
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"




lol! lol! lol! lol! O'h the power of the triangle!!!!!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Frethead

avatar

Number of posts : 3032
Age : 48
Location : Ormond Beach, Florida
Job/hobbies : consumption
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 19, 2009 11:49 am

One of the most salient and pervasive features of our culture is that there is so much bullshit. It is something that everyone recognizes, as everyone contributes his or her own share. We do, however, tend to take the situation or the condition, as it were, for granted. Most people, thus, are rather confident in their ability to recognize bullshit and avoid being taken in by it. So, the phenomenon has not aroused much deliberate concern, nor attracted much sustained inquiry.
Of consequence, we have no clear understanding of what bullshit is, why there is so much of it, or what function it serves. As well, we lack a conscientiously developed appreciation of what it literally means to us. In other words, we have no theory.
I propose to begin the development of a theoretical understanding of bullshit, by mainly providing some tentative and exploratory philosophical analysis. My aim is to simply give a rough account of what bullshit IS, and how this differs from what IT IS NOT - or, to put it somewhat differently . . . to articulate more or less sketchily, the structure of it's concept.
Any suggestion about what conditions are logically both necessary and sufficient for the constitution of bullshit is bound to be somewhat arbitrary. For one thing, the expression "bullshit" is employed quite loosely- simply as a general term of abuse, with no very specific literal meaning. For another, the phenomenon itself is so vast and amorphous that no crisp and perspicuous analysis of it's concept can avoid being categorically procrustean. Nonetheless, the possibility exists for the statement,"putting forth," or remark of something helpful, even though it is not likely to be decisive. Even the most basic and preliminary questions about bullshit remain, after-all, not only unanswered, but unasked. :rolling laughter:
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 19, 2009 2:28 pm

A body builder was talking to his friend in the pub, " You know, I've taken so many steroids that I have grown another penis."
" Wow " his friend says " Anabolic ?"
" No, just a penis !" :dizzy:
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Matty35
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1996
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom
Job/hobbies : Chuggin On The Low E
Registration date : 2009-01-05

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Thu May 21, 2009 2:49 pm

Roger H wrote:
A body builder was talking to his friend in the pub, " You know, I've taken so many steroids that I have grown another penis."
" Wow " his friend says " Anabolic ?"
" No, just a penis !" :dizzy:

happy boy happy boy happy boy happy boy

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://fullmetalforum.forumotion.com
Frethead

avatar

Number of posts : 3032
Age : 48
Location : Ormond Beach, Florida
Job/hobbies : consumption
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Fri May 22, 2009 1:40 pm

Knock-knock
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Fri May 22, 2009 4:50 pm

O.K. I'll go for it !

Who's there??
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Frethead

avatar

Number of posts : 3032
Age : 48
Location : Ormond Beach, Florida
Job/hobbies : consumption
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Mon May 25, 2009 2:03 pm

You're such a sport!!!


(Knock-knock - who's there?)

Response: I don't know
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 12:00 am

I don't know, who ? scratch
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Chrissy

avatar

Number of posts : 9677
Age : 47
Location : Burbank, California
Registration date : 2009-01-14

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 1:31 am

tommy this better be good..............
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Marty

avatar

Number of posts : 3056
Age : 55
Location : windy city
Registration date : 2009-01-16

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 9:11 am

Laughing
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Frethead

avatar

Number of posts : 3032
Age : 48
Location : Ormond Beach, Florida
Job/hobbies : consumption
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 9:15 am

You don't know who what?! geek lol! lol! lol! lol! cheer rabbit sunny Razz


Last edited by Frethead on Tue May 26, 2009 9:30 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Marty

avatar

Number of posts : 3056
Age : 55
Location : windy city
Registration date : 2009-01-16

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 9:25 am

Suspect I knew it!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Frethead

avatar

Number of posts : 3032
Age : 48
Location : Ormond Beach, Florida
Job/hobbies : consumption
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 9:28 am

Marty wrote:
Suspect I knew it!

I knew you knew it, Marty! LOL No, I mean, I know you knew it! Knew you know?! Canoe canoe?! LMAO cheesin'
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Roger. H

avatar

Number of posts : 15230
Age : 57
Location : The Cave Of Goodies.
Job/hobbies : Striving for the goal.
Registration date : 2009-01-20

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 9:41 am

Owwww !!!!! My head really hurts !!!!!! :dizzy:
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Frethead

avatar

Number of posts : 3032
Age : 48
Location : Ormond Beach, Florida
Job/hobbies : consumption
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   Tue May 26, 2009 11:04 am

That was great, Roger! Thanks for playing along, buddy. I've got to hand it to you!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread   

Back to top Go down
 
The Joke Thread
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 4 of 12Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
 Similar topics
-
» The Joke Thread
» Bad Mother-In-Law Joke
» Really Dumb Joke
» Forgotten Gems!
» Foreign Films Appreciation Thread

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Full Metal Forum :: The Topics :: Anything Goes / Whats On Your Mind-
Jump to: